


Apparently this is our Honeymoon

by PoisonJack



Category: Borderlands, Tales from the Borderlands - Fandom
Genre: Anal Sex (mentioned), Blowjobs, Bottom Jack, Established Relationship, Eww feelings, Fluff, General au, Jack and Rhys are cute and it's gross, Jack the businessman, M/M, Porn With Plot, Rhys as Jack's PA, Smut, What Did I Do Last Night?, accidentally married, except Rhys is a dense dumbass, handjobs, newjobs, seriously im disgusted by the fluff, violence against innocent curtains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 12:13:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5004376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonJack/pseuds/PoisonJack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fueled by liquid courage, Rhys proposes to Jack. Jack surprisingly accepts. It would be funny, except the only person who knows the seriousness of what they've done is Vaughn, who is probably off having a heart attack in an airport somewhere.</p><p>Cue freaking out and then "well we're married anyways so can we screw?"</p><p>For the "accidentally married" prompt on tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apparently this is our Honeymoon

**Author's Note:**

> This was something I cranked out on the bike at the gym. It turned out gross and fluffy. Enjoy!

A deep rumbling was the first thing Rhys became conscious of. Then a throbbing, loud pounding in his temples that refused to be ignored. He unwillingly opened his eyes to gray brightness, beyond hungover and thirsty, with no idea where he was. 

His metal arm was still attached and his shoulder sore where flesh met cybernetics. The loud rumbling which had roused him from sleep turned out to be Jack, snoring away on his belly halfway under the blankets next to Rhys, his face pillowed in the crook of his arm. There were hickeys on his neck along with a few bite marks. Rhys was going to hear an earful about that.

They were in a large, obviously expensive but unfamiliar bed in an equally unfamiliar room. Taking slow survey as he carefully levied himself into a sitting position, he noticed the place was trashed. 

A lamp was laying on its side- still turned on- on the floor next to a very large and bare waist-high bureau. There were half empty bottles of champagne and liquor littered around, some in drying puddles. He recognized the labels as being quite expensive, a few Jack in particular had a palate for. At least that explained why his head hurt so bad.

Their clothes were scattered about the room as if hastily thrown, and a chair was against the large floor-to-ceiling window pane which looked to be covered in hand prints. To top it off, the curtains were hanging half-off their rod as if they'd been torn down and Rhys recognized his pants at the bottom of the sill. Cold gray light filtered in, hurting his eyes. 

Rhys squeezed his eyes shut, willing away his pounding headache. He had a vague, uncertain idea about what they'd gotten up to last night. 

Aside from trashing the place.

"Jack.....Jack wake up," he rasped. He got a stuttered snore and deep inhale for reply. He touched his flesh hand to Jack's dusky skin, gently pressing. "Jack. Wake up."

Jack growled from the cave of his elbow. "Shhhhuusssshut up....my head." He turned his face into the bedspread and turtled himself into the covers without another word.

Rhys peeled back his work with little resistance. "Jack, this isn't my bed." Jack just hummed in response. "It's not yours either."

That earned him an eye cracked open momentarily, not fully awake, voice full of sleep. Jack wrapped an arm around Rhys' middle and shoved his face into the darkness of the mattress between Rhys' thigh, head and body aching. "Mmf....does it matter?"

"I don't remember how we got here." 

Jack's breath was hot against his thigh in an annoyed huff. "What time is it?"

Rhys was peeling himself from Jack's arm and edging out of the bed, various aches making themselves known. He didn't see his boxers anywhere, but pulled on Jack's canary-yellow ones instead. The older man pulled a pillow over his head to block out the light. 

"Early morning I think...." Rhys deeply regretted speaking so loudly as he gripped his head and shuffled towards a door he found to be a huge bathroom with an enormous tub and separate shower. There were liquor bottles in here too, as well as his lost underwear and errant puddles on the floor. They really hadn't left a spot undamaged by their rampage.

"Where's my phone?" Jack loudly grumbled from the bed.

Rhys poked his head out. "Can you not speak so loudly? I don't know."

Jack shot him a very dirty look that Rhys didn't think he particularly earned before he located the light switch and halfway closed the door.

The brightness of the artificial lights hurt his eyes more than the window's as he shuffled to the toilet, wishing deeply for some painkillers and maybe even hair of the dog. He heard Jack's loud groan as he relieved himself with slitted eyes, flushing, and then splashing water from the sink in his face and taking a long draught from the faucet. Something caught his sight and he called out to Jack.

"Found your phone."

"Bring it here," came the gruff reply. Jack sounded more awake and more annoyed. If he was half as hungover as Rhys, then he couldn't blame him.

"It's sitting face up at the bottom of the bathtub....." Rhys came out of the bathroom slowly, surveying the room again with more-lucid eyes. This was worse than even their most beer-fueled fun-fests. This was even excessive where Jack was considered. "The hell happened last night?"

Jack stretched bodily and released another groan. "Fuck if I know." He turned his head to face Rhys, caught the younger man unintentionally leering. Jack did make quite a pretty picture all sleepy and stretched out, even with the annoyed frown and serious bed-head. There were bruises on his shoulders Rhys also recognized as his handiwork, and it made Jack look deliciously wrecked.

And he had a great ass. 

Jack shot him a look that turned into a sly smile. "I know what can happen this _morning_ though." He turned halfway, morning wood immediately garnering Rhys' attention.

Rhys shook his head and immediately regretted it as pain followed the moment. He didn't have the energy to mess around this morning. "Can we please address the problem at hand?"

"I thought we were." Rhys gave him an unimpressed look, and Jack rolled his eyes. "You're not helping with my headache, cupcake." Jack slowly got to his feet, unabashedly naked as he made his way past Rhys to use the bathroom, shutting the other man out. "This is such a waste of good morning wood!" his annoyed voice echoed through the door.

Rhys ignored him and tried to locate his phone, finding a newspaper in a language he didn't know. He looked out the windows and also didn't recognize anything he saw. Misty with rain clouds, scattered various buildings popping out of the clouds. He knew they were in the penthouse somewhere at least. Great. Just great.

He tried to piece together the night before. But no matter what he couldn't recall how they'd ended up here. "Weren't we at a meeting with a client?" He called loudly through the door.

"....yeah? Maybe?....fuck this water's cold," Jack's voice echoed through, water running as he turned on the shower. 

"I have five missed calls from Vaughn and a bunch of texts," Rhys called to the door after having located his phone under the bed. But Jack didn't answer, the sound of the water must have been too loud. 

The text showing on his screen said: _ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE!!_ And the light was blinking crazily with new voice messages.

He held the device up to his ear and listened to the messages, oldest playing first. Vaughn's warm voice came through, and it was soothing to his hungover brain. "Hey just checking in. I hope that meeting's going well dude. Let me and Yvette know, we'll get the consolation ice cream ready otherwise. Okay talk to you later, bye!"

Okay so they definitely did have the meeting. Who was it with? Vallory? It was her, right? Yeah. And her son, August. Something about expanding their new tech into new territories over dinner and drinks. It was a _huge_ deal, serious money, but only if Jack could convince the woman to switch to Hyperion's goods.

Rhys didn't particularly care for this client. Or her son, August. He didn't approve of their business ethics or style, though Jack just called him a Hyperion snob with a fond look. Though he had another reason not to care for the pair. August kept coming on to him strongly all throughout dinner, and while amused at the attention, Rhys wasn't particularly interested. August had slipped his hand to Rhys' thigh under the table while Jack and Vallory discussed merchandise. That much he definitely recalled. The man didn't understand subtleties.

It wasn't the first meeting with these two, nor the first attempts at unsubtle flirting Rhys had dealt with from the man and politely declined while Jack handled the negotiations. But the hand on his thigh had been a new experience, and also not unnoticed by Jack. He remembered the way his mismatched eyes had bored into his own in silent warning...

But did they seal the deal? Vallory was a huge exporter or he'd have never put up with August's advances. He remembered the man enthusiastically buying everyone rounds of shots that only he and Rhys ended up drinking. Did they go to a bar after that? He listened to message two: "Dude, how did the meeting go? You coming home tonight? Yvette may or may not have gotten into your ice cream. I tried to stop her but you know....Call me back okay? I'm sitting on my hands here wondering if I should wait up or not. Call me back. 'Kay bye."

Alright so they must have been out late. Hopefully that was a good thing. The room was definitely trashed in a _celebratory_ way versus things having gone south. Nothing was destroyed as per usual of a Jack-fueled anger-fest. He was pretty sure they must have gotten the deal. He hoped he didn't do anything.... _devious_ to secure it. 

Third message played. "Rhys, answer your phone!! Where have you been all night? What do you mean you're getting on a plane? I couldn't understand half of your message. I'm calling Yvette and we're heading over there. _Don't get on the plane, man!"_

Shit. Shit where the hell were they? What the hell happened last night? Okay he was with Jack and yes they bustled off lots of places for business at the drop of a hat but that didn't necessarily make him feel better about the situation. The tone in Vaughn's voice had his gut sinking.

Fourth message played and Rhys felt his flesh hand get clammy. "Rhys PLEASE. PICK UP YOUR PHONE AND CALL ME. Don't do it!! Don't fucking do it! Jack will murder you!"

He could hear Yvette's voice in the background and felt his heart drop into his stomach. "Rhys!! Stay there and don't move, we're coming to get you--"

"They don't have anymore fli-"

_"Don't do it!! Stay there!!"_

"Bro DON'T. Please don't do it. You're drunk. Call me back. Keep your phone out. DON'T. DO IT."

Rhys was legitimately scared by the note in Vaughn's voice. What had he done? Did he fuck up their deal? He hadn't fucked August to seal things, had he? Oh god. He'd gone home with Jack but.....his body didn't hurt in all the right places as per usual.....oh God, had he blown the client's son? Please don't let him have blown the client's son just for a business deal.

He played the final message with fear and trembling fingers. Vaughn's voice came on, exasperated and exhausted.

"You're an idiot. Like what have you done. Congratulations you moron. If you're still alive in the morning and can get out before Jack finds out, I'll have the paperwork to annul everything ready. Please call me when you get this, bro. Yvette is trying to figure out where you are and we'll be waiting to get you when she figures it out. I've got new IDs and passports ready for each of us. Thanks drunk ass. Really though please call me back so I know you're not dead. We're really worried. Seriously, call us back. Love you. Bye."

The message ended. Vaughn's ending tone had not been teasing, and Rhys was breathing heavily with nerves. Whatever he'd done, it had made Vaughn enact Operation GO GO GO- get out get out get out. New passports, new IDs, new life....

His hand shook, checking his backlog of text messages to see what he suspected had happened. He started getting very afraid as he checked through them, very drunk, very unreadable, but the selfie with a super drunk Rhys sloppily grinning and thumbs up in front of an advertisement that said "24hr wedding chapel" told him all he needed to know and that all his fears didn't even come close to matching the truth of what he'd actually done.

Apparently last night he'd asked Jack to marry him. 

And Jack had said yes.

He shot a fearful look to the bathroom door and then looked back down at his phone as if it were made of spiders. His heart was pounding in his ribcage all the way to his temples and his stomach was churning.

Shit. This was bad. This was _really_ bad....Jack was his boss. His hero. A seriously great lay when he deigned to give it to Rhys. And definitely not the marrying type. That wasn't his image, that wasn't his style. They weren't even boyfriends, even as much as Vaughn liked to joke. To be _married_ to Jack? Jack flirted as much as threatened people to get his way on the end of things. Rhys had essentially taken one of his bargaining tools off the table.

Jack was going to kill him. The question was, would it be death by defenestration, strangulation, or a good old fashioned shoot out? Unless....

It's not like Jack _knew._

That's right, neither of them remembered anything about last night. Rhys only knew because he checked his phone. And Jack's was currently a paper weight. Now if he could just play it cool, maybe he could hide everything until he got back to Vaughn, and the other man had the annulment papers waiting, and then they could sweep it under the rug and the three of them would take the secret to their graves and wouldn't have to go into hiding for the rest of their lives. No evidence, no crime, right?

Jack chose that exact moment to come out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and something flat in his hand. He took three strides over to Rhys and thrust the item towards him with a blank expression. 

All the blood must have drained from Rhys' face as Jack stood stock-still in front of him. He was holding a kitschy, cheaply-printed photo that read "just married" in gaudy letters, and in it Jack was wearing a white veil, dipping Rhys as he kissed him in front of a gaudy red alter and what he assumed was supposed to pass as a priest. Jack's hand was unabashedly gripping Rhys' ass and Rhys was holding flowers in his flesh hand wrapped around Jack's middle. They were both very obviously drunk out of their minds.

"What is this supposed to be?" Jack asked coolly, his voice suspiciously level and eyebrow cocked.

"Ah....I....don't know?" Play it cool play it cool, Jack couldn't know he was responsible. His face was flushing as he surreptitiously put his phone under his pillow but didn't break eye contact. The motion did not go unnoticed by Jack.

"Let me see your phone."

He tucked it further beneath the pillow. As long as Jack didn't see his phone, he couldn't blame anything on Rhys. Well he _could,_ but neither of them remembered anything so Rhys could play the blame game as well as he. Jack usually instigated crazy shit, it wouldn't be totally unbelievable that he'd do this. 

Well, maybe if Rhys was a supermodel or a badass or something and not just his worthless PA. It would be believable that Handsome Jack would run off and get hitched to someone like _that_ in a drunken haze. 

His hand clenched tightly around the phone under the pillow. "Wha-- why?" 

"Because mine is in the bathtub and because I said so."

Before he could make it halfway across the bed in a mad dash Jack was already upon him, pinning him belly-first to the bed. Rhys struggled underneath him the whole time trying to get away, and Jack's voice sounded sarcastically amused.

"Where you going in such a rush, cupcake? Apparently this is our honeymoon. Why in such a hurry?"

"Jack please I don't remember anything of last night!!"

Jack secured himself further on top of Rhys and pressed him bodily to the bed. Rhys might be taller than him, but Jack outweighed him in muscle mass and breadth. 

"Ignorance is no excuse," he said as he grabbed the phone from Rhys' fingers, easily unlocking it and scrolling through several photos and last night's messages. Rhys was quivering beneath him, head still pounding, brain blank. He had no idea how he was going to get out of this. He was pretty sure it wasn't alive though.

"Oh pumpkin, you are a hot mess when drunk....you've got a lot to answer for you know."

"I'm sorry, shit I'm sorry! I didn't know!"

Jack was silent as he scrolled through things, Rhys breathing hard below him and his heart rate going out of control. An amused huff came from above, and Jack rested his chin on Rhys shoulder to speak right in his ear as the other man tried to burrow through the bed. 

"Soooo you had the balls to ask Handsome Jack to marry you, huh?" His voice was teasing, amused if not surprised. One look at the photo and he'd pegged _himself_ as the instigator of what was apparently a very interesting night. He wished he could remember.

Rhys made a strangled noise.

"I knew you were a crazed little fanboy over me but this takes the cake don't you think? Thought you'd add me to your collection, kitten?"

"We'll get it annulled!! No one needs to know!! I'm sorry!"

"Seriously? Have you seen yourself this morning, pumpkin?" Jack pressed two fingers to a spot on his throat and it twinged. He did have a few hickeys covering his neck, aside from the ones on his body Jack had left in the usual spots. "No one's going to annul anything after getting a picture of you. And it's not going to be that easy if my aching ass has anything to say about it." Rhys' whole body clenched and stilled beneath him as Jack tapped his head with a finger. "No easy way out. You've got a _lot_ to answer for, kitten."

Rhys felt his face redden further. Great. Not only had Jack apparently let him top for once, which was about as rare as it raining diamonds, but he didn't even remember it. That had to be the shitty cherry on top of the shitty cake.

Wedding cake.

Dear god Jack was going to murder him right here and he was helpless to stop him.

"Okay divorce then! No problem!!" He laughed uneasily. "Whatever it takes no problem!! We can fix this!!"

"I don't recall signing a prenup, you dirty little conniver," Jack said, pressing Rhys' face into the mattress, fingers carded through his hair as he scratched his scalp. "Don't recall any of it frankly." Rhys honestly hoped he'd suffocate. 

"I'm sorry! Shit I'm sorry! Okay?!" His muffled voice came from the messy blankets.

"Yeah you should be....taking advantage of the CEO of Hyperion for your own gain....What will the papers say? How dare you." Rhys honestly thought it was impossible for anyone to take advantage of Handsome Jack in any way but he wasn't about to point that out. "That takes some enormous balls kiddo."

"Fuck Jack I'm sorry okay!"

Jack was stroking his fingers through Rhys' hair. He placed a kiss on the nape of his neck and spoke softly."I should _demote_ you for this...."

The underlying threat of that word made Rhys arch up to try and look at Jack. "Wha--- Hey you're just as responsible as--pffffbth." His face was shoved back into the blankets.

"You don't sound very sorry. Did you plan all of this kitten? Was it premeditated? Been planning to get me drunk enough to legally attach yourself to my hip?" His voice was deep and amused as he resumed stroking his fingers through Rhys' hair, watching the man below him desperately try to explain himself out of a situation he kind of found funny as hell.

"Fuck, no! I swear I don't even remember! I'm sorry okay! I was drunk! We were _both_ drunk! I wouldn't have done it sober I swear! It was an accident! An honest accident! Please!" He was rambling at this point, not sure what else to do, but the more nervous he got the more he couldn't shut up and frankly at this moment he was terrified and wished things could go back to the way they were.

He heard Jack's huff before the other man got off him, sitting cross-legged next to him as Rhys dared not to move. 

"Alright then," Jack's voice was calm and quiet, and Rhys slowly turned his head to look at him. That tone of voice was one Jack used right before threatening a very messy death to some incompetent worker. Rhys stared up at him, the annoyed frown and- was that disappointment?- playing across Jack's face. He flapped the photo in his hand as he contemplated Rhys. "So the alcohol is to blame, huh? You only did it on the spur of the moment?"

"Um...." All Rhys' quick excuses and rambled apologies stuttered to a halt. While he wanted to be quick to say that yes, it was all the alcohol and please don't kill him, he felt somehow that this was a trap. "Yeah...? I mean basically? I haven't been....planning anything...."

Wrong answer. How was that the wrong answer? Jack's frown deepened and Rhys hunkered down further into the bed.

"So help me to make sense of your words sweetheart because I'm having trouble understanding stupid." He was frowning, voice still dangerously low, and Rhys felt like he was in even greater trouble than they first began.

"Here's what I'm trying to figure out; whether you're a little dweeb that needs liquid courage to act on his desires, or if you're a messy, irresponsible drunk that makes decisions he'd never willingly do sober and wish he could take back." His mismatched eyes were focused on Rhys with a dangerous glare, and Rhys suddenly understood how mice felt in the presence of a cobra. 

Warning bells in Rhys' head were going off, muffled by the headache demanding his attention. He screwed his eyes shut, trying to formulate his sentence before replying as it might be his last. He might as well go for broke. Because Jack looked _pissed._ Way more pissed than when he'd found the photo.

"Well....well I mean..." Rhys gathered all his courage, took a deep breath to get everything out before his wits failed him and his heart exploded from beating so hard. "No, I definitely wouldn't have asked you to marry me sober, or....or....put hands on you-" he felt really stupid saying that phrase, and took a breath, refusing to look at Jack because he didn't want to see his imminent death coming, "'cause I mean aside from you laughing me right off the company roof, I'm not dumb." 

He felt his face heating, figured in for a penny, in for a pound. Let it all spill out. "You're Handsome Jack. And all my 'fanboy' stuff aside, you've done a lot of really great things and I'm not fucking stupid even if you think so; I'm fully aware how out of my league you are. And I'm plenty happy enough for whatever bullshit you'll throw my way when you can't find someone better so no, I'd have never asked you to marry me sober even if only you were drunk just to be attached to you. It might make me an idiot but I'm not a jerk. I wouldn't.....take advantage of you that way and trap you into something you don't want. I don't want that. I-I-I would only want to marry you if you wanted me back." 

Rhys was breathing hard, done, embarrassed, ready to meet his maker with the most fiercely pounding headache of his life since all his blood was rushing in his face for confessing his innermost thoughts. He refused to look at Jack. To look anywhere. He felt like a coward but now that he got that off his chest he could die without regrets. His eyes were screwed shut and they'd stay that way.

Jack didn't say anything at first, started making weird noises that almost caught the better of Rhys' curiosity, but then he was laughing at him. Laughing so hard his voice was going hoarse. Rhys tried to disappear beneath the covers, but Jack draped his body back over his back, still laughing while pinching Rhys' cheek. 

"That's-- _hoooo my God_ seriously Rhysie, god you're such a fucking nerd-- That's the most embarrassing shit I've ever heard. I knew you were obsessed with me but it goes deeper than just my looks, huh? I didn't know you were such a romantic little nerd."

Rhys was frowning into the blankets.

"And that's a lot of embarrassing shit you said there kiddo like holy crap, how are you going to live with yourself after that?" Jack's laughs reverberated through Rhys' chest, and all he wanted to do was throw himself off the balcony if Jack wasn't going to do it for him. "The funny thing about this whole thing is, I'm Handsome goddamn Jack, pumpkin. No one makes my decisions for me. So why did you already decide things and never bother just asking me?"

Rhys jerked his head to try to look at Jack, but didn't get very far with the other man on top of him. He met Jack's green and blue eyes with his own and saw the supreme amusement there. "So....you're not gonna kill me?"

He stroked his fingers through Rhys' hair, smirking. "You're an idiot, but you're adorable when you're being an idiot." He kissed the back of his neck. "I don't fuck around on others when I'm already screwing someone, kitten, and I wouldn't bother fucking you if I didn't want you. And I don't stay if I don't like the situation. I'm loyal. Thought you'd have picked that up after all this time. Well, we can't all be gorgeous _and_ smart."

"So I.....wait." Rhys tried turning to look at Jack proper, the other man half on, half off him as he turned on his side to look at him. He had to think for a moment. Had he died? He didn't understand what was going on. Not in a million years did he think he'd be having this conversation. "Wait, so if I'd've asked you, sober, proper, to marry me, you'd've said yes?"

"Well there's no point in it now since it's already done, but yeah." He shrugged, said it like it was no big thing, like it was obvious. "I mean I would have made you jump through all kinds of hoops just to mess with you, and believe me, it would have been funny as hell, but yeah, why not. You've put in the time." Jack shot him a smile that made Rhys melt and his heart almost stop. This had to be some kind of trick.

"No no....I mean, this is a big deal. You can't just be fine with this. Being married to _me_." Jack raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "You were just freaking out over this. It's not like we ever said we're even proper boyfrie--"

"How long have you been working at Hyperion kiddo?"

"Uh....four years, about...."

"And how long have you been my PA?"

".....th-three years...." He wasn't sure where Jack was going with this.

"And how long have we been doing the nasty, princess?"

"Uh....two....two and a half....three years about?"

Jack looked legitimately perplexed. "We're practically married already. So why are you so shocked, kitten? Nothing has changed. Except for that embarrassing photo. And all that shit you said."

Rhys' head was spinning, trying to add everything up. Yes, he and Jack had been messing around for quite a long time following some serious flirting after he'd been promoted. And yes they did dinners every now and then, discussing business, or fucking around whenever. But....While it was his every dream come true he never once thought Jack was being exclusive to him, or that he had a claim on him. Though Jack had said multiple times that Rhys belonged to him, he didn't think that road went both ways. Hadn't even considered with a man as great as Jack. Rhys would never have put that on him. He couldn't make heads or tails of things; just thought he'd always been lucky for some of Jack's personal attention thrown his way, when it wasn't divided among a billion other things, and that he did a good job being a very accommodating personal assistant.

Apparently Jack was right and he was very, very stupid.

"Is this because I let you fuck me?" Rhys felt the tips of his ears redden, and Jack leaned over to trace lips against the shell of his ear. Rhys shuddered in confused pleasure. "That's definitely a new one. Are you upset because you can't remember that? It definitely happened. And I definitely let you. Drunk or not I don't let things happen that I don't want to." Rhys was breathing hard, not knowing where this was going. "Is that why you're freaking out? Would you like to again, kitten? Fuck me, that is."

Rhys bodily shuddered, and Jack snorted. He laughed and pressed a kiss to Rhys' neck. "Well it's not gonna be that easy, princess. Handsome Jack doesn't just roll over for anyone."

Rhys was having trouble coming to terms with this. "So I....just....you're totally fine with this."

"Don't make me second guess myself," he told him absently. "Could do worse." He shot a smirk at Rhys, tracing a finger over his jaw. "And as if you could do any better. Thank your lucky stars you got me drunk." Rhys gave him an annoyed huff at that but felt like his chest was going to explode. "I _am_ very surprised though. And that doesn't happen often, kiddo. Never thought it would be _you_ asking _me._ Always thought it would be the other way around. Guess that shit really is liquid courage."

Rhys didn't think he had anymore blood left in his body that wasn't already in his face. "You.....you were thinking about...asking _me_....me to..."

Jack turned his head with a hand so he could kiss his lips. He stroked the side of his neck. "Kitten, you're gorgeous in case you haven't noticed. And I like this setup we've had. You know what I like and you're not boring, and you're damn good at your job. I wouldn't keep you in the position if you were only a good lay. And I _don't_ like the way the other employees look at you, as if they didn't already know you were off limits. So this works out quite well."

Rhys looked confused. "What do you--?"

"Don't act like you don't know. Like with August eye-fucking you over the meeting last night right in front of me. I remember that much."

Rhys pulled a face. Yeah, he remembered that too. "Then why did you-"

"Sealed the deal, pumpkin." Jack nosed at Rhys cheek before his lips, and the younger man sighed. "Then popped August one in the nose."

"W-what?! I don't remember that!"

"It was at the second or fourth club...I don't remember. He was getting handsy and I can only play nice for so long."

Rhys flattened his face against the pillows again. Jack's warm cheek was against his shoulder. "Why the hell were we clubbing with August last night? How'd we end up in this situation?

He felt Jack shrug against him. "We just sealed a deal. He knew some places. I think we got on a plane after that. I'm not sure."

Rhys sighed. "....where the hell did we end up?"

Jack ran hands up against the exposed flesh of Rhys back, rubbing over every inch he could get his fingers on. "Mmm doesn't matter...." Jack sucked a kiss onto Rhys' shoulder. "That's some crazy shit that happened last night, kiddo. Even if you had to get drunk to do it."

"I....I'm...."

"If you say you're sorry, I'm kicking you out of bed, princess." Jack hummed against him as he mouthed the skin of his back. "You know it's your fault we missed out on awesome wedding gifts, and you're going to pay for making me miss out on a proper bachelor party, sweetheart."

Rhys tensed below him as Jack laughed, mouthing down his spine as his hands ran up his sides. His head still hurt, but Jack's hands and mouth felt good, distracting. It also helped that he wasn't in immediate mortal peril anymore.

"You know it's technically our honeymoon, and you happen to be married to one of the hottest guys around, babe...How about some kinky married sex?" Jack's hand stroked over his buttocks to rest on the back of his bare thighs. His mouth lightly bit the skin just above his ass cheeks, and Rhys' hips rolled into the mattress. Jack snorted, amused. "Like that baby?"

Rhys screwed up his eyes, mind spinning. "I really don't understand any of this..."

"Then stop thinking," Jack told him. "And stop talking. Or I'll have to come up with a better use for that pretty mouth of yours."

Rhys bodily turned over to smirk at Jack, and the other man laid on his side, posing, cock standing at attention. Rhys grinned, thinking everything was insane, but as with everything where Jack was concerned, rolling with it, and kissed the man before him with elation that showed on his face.

"Stop smiling. You look like an idiot," Jack told him hypocritically, a similar smirk on his face. "Give me a kiss, princess. Why don't you show me what else that mouth of yours can do? Aside from arguing with me?"

Rhys gave him a toothy smirk before biting his lips, and from Jack's mouth nibbled a trail down his chest, over his belly, to lick a stripe up his cock. Jack canted his hips towards that hot little mouth, groaning appreciatively as Rhys pillowed his lips and slipped him inside with a welcoming tongue.

Rhys' eyes closed in pleasure, relishing it as Jack's hands slipped into his hair. Jack wanted him. Well not like that was new news, but Jack _wanted_ him. He didn't consider Rhys as just a convenient lay or an overzealous employee. That blew his freaking mind. He belonged to Jack. Jack belonged to _him._

He was moaning around Jack, tasting the bitterness of precome, getting off on the man getting off on him. Stroking his thigh with his thumb as he worked his other hand around Jack's shaft. This was what he wanted, yes, every day if Jack would allow it. He opened his eyes to look at Jack, half-lidded with determined expression. Jack was looking back at him, the mismatched brown and blue eyes watching him with such a besotted look Jack couldn't take it. He suddenly dragged Rhys off him and pulled him to his lips. "Come here, cupcake."

He cupped Rhys' face and kissed him deeply, getting a breathy moan out of the cybernetic man. Rhys shimmied out of Jack's yellow underwear while Jack took both their cocks up in his hand, lubricated by Rhys' saliva and their own precome, jerking in tandem as Rhys gripped his shoulders and moaned. He thrust into Jack's palm as the older man tightened and loosened his grip about them, biting Rhys on the shoulder and grinding his own hips up against the younger man. A glorified handjob shouldn't feel so good.

" _Yeaaaah_ just like that kitten," Jack purred in his ear, both of them leaking enough for Jack to amp up his pace.

Rhys was whimpering, and Jack could tell by the way he was grinding against the other man that he was close. His hips moved more erratically and he stopped checking the moans coming out of his mouth, loud and dirty and unfettered.

Jack smirked, leaning to catch his ear. "Do you like that sugar? You gonna come all over me? Or would you rather come _in_ me instead?"

With those filthy words hotly whispered against his ear like lightning to his groin, Rhys came with a shout, his cock jerking and pulsing in Jack's hand as the older man still stroked them, Rhys' release leaking over their hands and his belly making every stroke that much more slippery. Jack comes a few moments later, his hands on Rhys' hips rutting up against him while Rhys makes pitiful noises for his overstimulated cock.

They both lay there, sweaty and satisfied, Rhys with his cheek on Jack's shoulder and their release between their bellies. Jack huffed after a while in thought. "This is the worst you know." Rhys suddenly felt dread, wondering if now the hungover haze had passed ending in orgasm, that the other man suddenly didn't feel the same. "The absolute worst," Jack continued, looking ahead as he spoke. "I have an image to maintain you know. If anyone asks, _I_ proposed to _you._ And you wore the veil. We'll take proper staged photos later..."

Rhys dared a glance up at Jack. The other man looked contemplative. "Even if I look better in it...." Jack's eyes swiveled to Rhys and the other man desperately wanted to look away but he didn't. A slow smile snaked its way onto Jack's face as he leisurely dragged his nails over the back of Rhys' thigh. "That actual train wreck of a photo will be for our eyes only." 

With a wide grin Rhys suddenly wrapped the older man in his arms and held tight, burying his face into the junction of his neck and shoulder and muffling happy noises he'd deny ever making. Jack laughed and squeezed him back. "God I can't believe I agreed to marry such a clingy little nerd."

Rhys just kissed his neck, his shoulder, whatever skin he could reach with his mouth, as Jack brought his face to his lips. He gladly gave himself over to Jack's mouth and pressed himself against him with relief, ignoring the sticky feeling between them. He looked at Jack's face again. "You're sure you're fine with--this? With everything? I mean it's.....it's definitely weird."

Jack angled an eyebrow at him. "Seriously? Got myself a hot little house husband and still fucking my sexy PA on the side?" He gave Rhys a sly grin, and the cybernetic man gave him a shove with a smirk. "This is obviously a win-win."

"Very funny."

"If I don't like it, you can always....go on an extended vacation...." He teased. Rhys frowned. "C'mere kitten," he said, holding Rhys tight to his chest. "I don't even remember my own wedding night and you're not nearly marked up enough for my satisfaction." He sucked a kiss on to Rhys' neck tattoo while the other man let loose a shaky laugh. "I'm gonna make you forget your own name. And don't think I didn't see those hickeys you left on me. _Then_ we'll be even for your little plot."

"But I swear I didn't-"

"A-ah-ah," he put a finger to Rhys' lips before licking a stripe up his neck and grazing teeth over his jaw. "Now, what's your name, sweet thing?"

Rhys grinned at him with enthusiasm. "Rhys."

Jack let loose a disappointed sigh. "We're going to be here all day..."

**Author's Note:**

> After Bad Habits I've got about five stories I'm working on all at once, posting things when I like how they've turned out.
> 
> In the case of this one, I'm just so done. Not as polished as I like, characterizations are a little contrived but hey it was fun. Hope you enjoyed! :)


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